Today is my birthday. I remember as a kid waiting on pins and needles for January 16th to arrive each year: planning what I was going to wear (a few years I adorned a birthday sash--overkill I know), making a list of birthday wishes, waiting for a call from my cousins who were always first to call. It was all I could do to contain my excitement. This year I forgot about my birthday. I seriously forgot it was my birthday week. How does one go from waiting for a day with bated breath to forgetting it?
Could the answer simply be, Life? This adulting thing is NO JOKE. I wish I could say I have mastered it. I wish I could say I was waiting for the clock to strike midnight, so I could greet 44 years old with open arms. Nope, I was mouth open long sleep on my left side as not to aggravate my bad back or broken elbow (these are the types of injuries of a 40+ year old).
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the number 44. I am not experiencing the anxiety I felt turning 40 (I had lost it then!) I am learning to care less about the opinions of others and to live to please no one. I have learned to talk less and smile more (which ain't easy might I add). I am enjoying the person I am (and the person I am BECOMING --if you don't get that reference close this tab and lose my web page)! I can say I have hit the prime of my womanhood: You can't tell me I ain't fly. I know I'm super fly! And still, I am not rejoicing or even lamenting adding another year.
There is so much I still need to do! That little fortune teller fold-able I made when I was in about 4th grade (the age I am in the picture above) that told my life story has a few fortunes left unfilled. I think I forgot my birthday this year because I was less focused on the calendar change and more focused on life change. I got stuff to do. I have goals to meet, lands to conquer and dragons to slay, so I can storm the castle, take the throne, collect my jewels and adorn my crown.
Documenting my evolution by filling in space and matter one word at a time.