If you know me, you know I HATE to lose. Every bone in my body aches when I lose and for me almost everything is a competition.
Well, this week I took some serious L's. It was hard on so many levels. First, because I pride myself on always beating these competitors--my teenagers, I like to think I am one step ahead of them and I can not be outsmarted. Second, I realized I might have thought I was winning battles, but they were clearly winning the war.
Have you ever heard of a Finsta? Yeah, finsta, like Insta--Instagram. Let me hip you: it's an Instagram account kids create and only add their closest friends to, so they can share stuff that would get them knocked the heck out if their parents saw or knew. Yeah, I found the finstas--even the "good child" has one.
I'm a creep. There is not much that can be hidden from me but these sites go back years. Gut check! The stupidity of the teenagers who sleep under my roof and eat my food. Gut check! I think I am in control and in the know, but it's only an illusion. Gut check!
I thought I was doing an okay job raising my children. Prior to this week, I'd give myself a solid 7 on a scale of 1-10. Enter finsta and I plummet to a -2. I wanted to so desparately attribute blame elsewhere (this was me losing and I couldn't take it). It's those kids they hang around. My teens have had to deal with a lot over the course of a year and a half. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!
Naw, I am not excusing them or my parenting that easily. My teens get away with murder!! They live plush lives with few limits and a rolling scroll of privileges. Some of those privileges on display on their finsta accounts.
The teens were winning, but if you know me, you also know I am not down for long. I have a few more years to mold them and make their lives a living ... a few more years to show them the way, making them earn my trust, my meals and my money.
I have to love them enough for them to know that I am not raising losers! It's not in the pedigree!
***Musical accompaniment because I kept thinking to myself as I scrolled though their finsta accounts that I will not be played by "Young dumb broke high school kids."