I am that person who hates to ask for directions. I always feel like I can figure it out; sometimes I do and other times I end up costing myself time and adding frustration. As I examine why I am reticent to simply ask someone to show me the best way, I realize my fierce independence, pride and desire to figure it out has left me lost in a lot of areas of my life. I have been wandering for awhile--destination unknown unable to ...
"Follow the drinkin' gourd"
Faith: For the past few years, I've been wandering in the desert with no hope of finding the promised land. Sometimes I have felt like a spiritual "none" (apparently I am not alone as a study conducted by National Geographic concluded that "nones" are one of the fastest growing "religions"). Where I'd once enjoyed a extremely strong faith and took comfort in it, I had grown just as comfortable roaming the desert--dare I say I reveled in it a bit. Telling myself, I could, at least, control the separation from my faith since I could not control the pain and agony of the losses I'd suffered.
Last year, I decided to pull the car over. Still not ready to get out and ask for help, instead I would stop and reorient myself. By choosing to stop my cycle of spiritual doubt and anger, I patted myself on the back because I could remain in control as I examined my spiritual path. I realized recently I was still not going anywhere. I was just stuck in neutral. Last month, I decided to chuck the self-navigation out the window and really asked God to lead me. I gave up my morning social media check for a time of introspection (prayer) and stopped fighting so hard against faith. I have learned ...
"The old man is waiting to carry you to freedom."
Career: Can I just be real? I don't know what the hell I ultimately want to do in and for education. I thought I had it figured out--in fact, I was speeding in what I thought was the right direction based on the route others had taken but that turned into a dead end.
It's hard to follow other people's path --I could end the sentence there--but especially when you don't know your own final destination, so I have had to pump the brakes. I have had to swallow my pride and admit I have no idea what I want to be now that I am truly a grown up. That honest dialogue with self, outside of the expectation of others and self-imposed pressures, helped me make the decision to reroute. Still don't know where the many roads I am now on will lead me, but I am choosing to allow myself to take many stops along the way to take in the sights. It has seemed aimless and been straight exhausting at times as I have been trying to do everything in an attempt to find my happy place, but the detours have been so worth it. All roads are leading me to better understanding of my passions and self ...
"Well the river bank makes a mighty good road. Dead trees will show you the way."
Having done some real introspection to be in a place of peace about the direction of my life, I could go on and on outlining how by forgoing my pride and desire to figure it all out, against my natural inclination, I am finding spiritual and financial freedom (and many more). And it's easy ...
"If you follow the drinkin' gourd."
Being okay letting go of things, of giving up on the dreams others have for me and even the dreams I have previously held is the best change I have ever made for myself. Realizing that stopping to ask for help when I need (and don't we all) is not a sign of weakness or ignorance, it is the ultimate sign of strength and confidence. A confidence innate to my DNA and the reason I titled this post "Follow the Drinking Gourd."
f you don't know the song or cultural history of "Follow the Drinking Gourd," you can find it here.
Documenting my evolution by filling in space and matter one word at a time.